Family-Shock-Picking up the pieces

The last thing I expected to hear tonight in a phone call from my best friend was " my brother and sister in law were found murdered this morning." As I have a pool cue and a vodka gimlet in my hand, I needed help to stabalize thanks to JMD who was there. But I can only imagine what must be going through their minds tonight. When I got there it was family and a few close friends, wanting to know whats going on, wanting to give comfort, and some pissed trying to come to grips with what is happening. How is that in one moment a whole world can be torn in pieces. Tiny pieces. Not just within their family but spreading out to the community around them. I don't know how I can help. I knew I had to go there, I know I just have to be there for her when she needs me and other than that keep my distance. I hate seeing people I love in pain. But the fact that I was randomly together with two of my other best friends and we all were there for the phone call- GOD was putting his touch on a desperate and painful experience. We were all suppose to be there when she called me and I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have them near me.

I think about all the bull shit. All my complaining about men and feeling wanted and being wanted for myself and not a vision of what they think I am or who I was. I need to keep putting myself in check and realizing that FAMILY above all is most important. I love my sister. I don't know what I would do if I didnt have her anymore. That is all I could think about. And what would happen to the children. I know we all have the right to have our issues and vent but tonight i was re-affirmed that God is showing himself to me. There is no valid explaination other than that at this point in time because if I hadnt been in LA due to JMD taking me off my lazy depressed ass and forcing me to go to an audition, I would never have been close to RF and never would have answered the phone call because I would have been lazy in my friggin dark hole that is my bedroom.

JMD reminded me of how lucky we are to have each other and to have those friends that care. I made a status, stupid status shit! that said...Finding out who my real friends are...an interesting thing actually. Well seeing the love that people have for one another under horrible circumstances makes me know that I have more people that care about me than I know and the ones that matter will always be there for me, good times and bad times...stupid relationships or not. I know I may not see my friends everyday and that prolly cuts me a bit but I need to learn to heal myself, to trust others. I dont want to be the person who has no faith in the good of people. I saw tonight that love transcends problems and boundaries. LOVE heals.

I hope, the souls of the dead can find peace. I hope the children involved are brought to the home that can care for them and nurture them the best way possible. I pray to god to give my friend and her family strength to see that whoever did this has justice of the law brought upon them. And strength to heal. I hope we can all keep the good thoughts flowing and pray for my friend and her family. Thank you guys for reading this...its been a rough night.